The False Start...

Hi friends,

I find myself starting to write more often than I actually finish. Not because I don’t have something to say—but because something in me says, not yet. The timing doesn’t feel right.

The moment doesn’t feel perfect.

And so I stop.

When I first started this journey, I was focused on community. I wanted to show up for others in the way I wish someone had shown up for me. But life has a way of shifting things.

Responsibilities pile up, and what once felt possible starts to feel like a moving target you can never quite reach.

In those moments, it becomes easy to step back. To pause. To not follow through.

That is the false start.

Around July 2025, I felt something I couldn’t ignore—a burning in my chest that pushed me toward change. It led me into a deeper place of obedience, a pursuit of peace, and a desire to truly understand where God was calling me.

About a month later, I stepped into that calling in a real way. I committed to my first three-day fast—no food, no water—and dedicated time to prayer four times a day, even in the middle of work.

I was all in.

During that time, I heard God more clearly than I ever had before. I felt His presence in everything. Prayer stopped being something I did and became something I lived. Every word I spoke felt like communication with Him—full of gratitude, full of awareness.

For the first time, I understood what it meant to pray like you are breathing.

So what changed?

Somewhere along the way, something started to feel off. I couldn’t fully explain it, but I knew I was lacking something.

It wasn’t that I lost understanding. It was that I lost consistency.

God said go right—and I went left. Not all at once, but little by little. One small decision at a time.

“I’ll read later.”“I’ll call them back when I get a chance.”“I’ll write when it feels right.”

But “later” rarely comes. And it almost never feels right.

Before I knew it, the same space that once brought clarity started to feel quiet. Not empty—but distant. And that distance forced me to reflect on where I had drifted.

It started with inconsistency.

That’s when I realized something important:

If you feel the pull to move—do it anyway.

There will never be a perfect moment, because perfect doesn’t exist. You don’t wait until everything aligns. You show up as you are and give what you can.

I also learned that moving in the direction God is calling you will often feel uncomfortable.

Sometimes even scary. But avoiding it doesn’t remove the fear—it just keeps you stuck in it.

If you never start, you’ll never experience what’s waiting on the other side of obedience.

And when you fall—and you will—get back up.

I had to change the way I saw my own mistakes. Not by pretending they weren’t there—but by understanding they don’t define me.

We’re human. We fall short. That’s reality.

But falling isn’t the problem—staying there is.

Don’t carry the weight of shame. Repent, reset, and keep moving. Shame will hold you in place, but grace allows you to grow.

A false start isn’t the end.

It’s just the moment you realize you stopped—and decide to begin again.